The magic & bigness in the simple things

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am becoming a lover of simple things. This is new within the last 5+ years, and more so since becoming a mother. I used to be pretty driven, always focusing on the future, dreaming bigger and higher and wanting to be and do more. I still have those desires but they aren’t at the forefront as much. Simplicity is.

I’ve experienced again and again it’s the little things that give me true joy. They aren’t usually about money, recognition,  status or numbers of any kind. If I can stop long enough to breathe and settle into the moment there is so much wonder and delight…a richness that is hard to describe. These pauses help slow down the racing mind that can be consumed with time and getting it all done and a tendency to rush from one thing to the next.

The practice is to unbusy my mind and fully engaged in sensory awareness. This bestows so much more daily grace. These pauses of celebration inspire an unhurried life. I like this. To truly acknowledge the power of the moment. The abundance of the sun shining on my face as a new day begins, seeing my child laugh, having the freedom and resources to make healthy meals, taking leisurely walks playing and exploring, listening to a heart felt song, connecting with my family, being present to my life and all the magic that is unfolding. The bigness in the simple things is my central  focus these days.

This can’t be captured on facebook or twitter or in a bank account, for this is a visceral experience captured in our hearts and bodies in a very tangible way. It’s a way of inhabiting our lives, realizing there is no “getting there”, “arriving”, or “having it all figured out”. This. Is. It. Our life journey…in all it’s colors, dimensions, textures and flavors. It’s the collection of simple things that come together to weave our precious individual stories.

We must limit the noise in our heads and our lives and be willing to slow down enough so that we can actually embrace these moments. Otherwise we miss them. The simple magical moments require attention, presence and recognition. When you feel one. Stop. Smile. Feel it in your body. Listen to the vibration of life happening all around you. Rest and delight in that particular snapshot of time.

I believe the deep breaths, the sun, the water, tuning into my senses, the wonder around me and the little moments of joy can lighten and soften the occasional feelings of overwhelm and overload. Trusting that our life is unfolding with divine perfection. Resting in that place.

Resting our minds and our bodies even while we get things done. There can be a peace, a flow even in the midst of the mess. Life is messy. There will always be toys and dishes to clean up, and things to get done. As long as we are breathing there will be details that need tending.

The listening and resting helps. It’s where we hear the call for expansion…the call for a deeper authentic life. The simplicity gently guides us with grace, love, and enthusiasm. How can we dance with the big and the small with utmost respect and importance? Boldly saying yes to it all! Yes to our lives!

Last night as we transitioned from dinner to bedtime rituals I paused looking at the kitchen before turning off the light.  My husband had graciously done the dishes. There were a few things that weren’t cleaned up. A few glasses, supplement bottles, and some dishes drying next to the sink. With the eyes of perfection I would’ve wished that it was cleaner. With the eyes of beauty I saw life. I saw our lives.

These little things we do every day make up our lives. They are yes, just glasses/dishes/bottles on the counter, but they were used by people I love. I smiled and thought yes, this is my life. It’s not sterile and perfect, but it’s mine.

There is magic in our day to day lives. The simplicity of most of our days sculpt our life stories. These divine tasks mold our character. The miracles may not seem big but they are, for if we only feel deeper we will see the love. We get to choose how we will weave our myth. Why not choose one of magic and miracles right where we stand?

There may be thoughts that it’s not enough. We can look at what is happening in the world and think we must do more and be more. But, as Byron Katie advised in a workshop I attended a few months ago: we must save ourselves first. This is how we change the world. Be the change we want to see. What world do we want to live in and create? It starts with us.

Even if we think our little space in the universe can’t really change the world. It can and it is. Because our choices are changing us, changing our families and therefore our communities and world. Our presence impacts the world. We must start where we are and let spirit/god/life move through us it guides us to our next adventure. It’s that simple. Today I honor the magic and bigness in the simple things. This is what’s calling me. What’s calling you?

alex_signature_pink

Don’t rush the moments

What do we want? When we get still enough what are our true heart desires?

My son and husband are asleep, it’s 8:40 pm. Tears are streaming down my face as I sit in the silence meditating/contemplating and feeling into my life before I go to bed. I believe we all want to feel alive, like really alive Joseph Campbell style:

People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.

When I can touch the tenderness of this desire the tears steam so easily. This joyful aliveness is in the moments, in our connections, in the small acts of kindness. If we can slow down enough we can feel our innermost being vibrating with aliveness.

I sometimes notice as a culture we are looking for the big. If this BIG thing happens then everything will be OK. I will be OK. So…we strive and we look forward. We quickly move from one thing to the next so that we can hurry up and get there.

What if by all of this rushing to the “next thing” we missed some of the most loving moments? What if the biggest wins were the times we found the gold shimmering in the slivers of time as we pursued our goals? What if we really did enjoy the journey instead of rushed? This sounds cliche and easy but as a real life practice it can challenging.

I wonder why…it seems like it would be easy right? Savor, soften, open, love and enjoy! Easy enough. Yet, I notice the holding back, the protecting, the restriction of my natural flow. Sometimes I wonder if it’s easier for others? But, then think: I’m pretty sure this is something we all work with. If you don’t please share your sage wisdom!:)

I relish the moments like tonight where I intentionally slow down, pause and feel my heart in such a big and powerful way. It’s like a veil lifts and I want to forever open up my heart big and wide. Knowing this is where the magic resides.

I think it’s important to do things we are proud of, and cross the finish line and feel accomplished. This helps increase our sense of aliveness, but there is more. What about resting for awhile where we are — playing, meandering, looking for the simple beauty, relishing in the appreciation of all that is good now. What’s the rush?

My life isn’t perfect. I am not floating on some cloud with complete peace and joy. But, it’s mine. All mine to create as I choose. The sacredness of our unique lives is astonishing and yet so ordinary. I felt this tonight as I was enjoying some time with my son before he went to sleep. Something pretty much all Moms do…we support our children in getting to bed. But, I was touched by the holy honor it is to be a mother.

After we read our 4 books he said: “Cuddle Mommy.” I cuddled in and he snuggled up next to me holding his green “blankie”; which is one of my dresses that he turned into a blanket because it “smells like Mommy.”

As we lay there in the amber glow from the nightlight he is shining like the angel he is. I softly stroke his hair and face doing my best to enjoy this moment. I feel the pull to go and get ready for bed and I breathe. I don’t want to rush this moment. Not tonight.

I listen to him breathing. I’m acutely aware that one day he will no longer want his blankie or me to cuddle him to sleep. I soften. These are the moments where the divine lives. This is heaven on earth. I watch him slowly close his eyes. I stay awhile longer reveling in his perfection and then, gently get up and walk out the door with a heart full of love.

Tonight as the tears drop down on my journal I write: Open sweet one. Open. It’s really ok to feel this much! I pray to stay open to the wonder of now. Help me see the world through my heart. May I stand in all that is real, true and beautiful in my life. Help me stay connected even when I want to close. Help me love and play even more. Allow my tenderness to heal my soul.  May I feel the presence of grace everywhere, even if I don’t want to and sometimes feel scared. Let me surrender to the LOVE! I breathe in the joy and gratitude for this day. Thank you!

I know there is no getting to a perfect state of grace all the time. I know there will be days and moments the urge to rush will win. And, yet, I hold the intention to continue to remember. Remember to pause and not hurry the moments. This simple practice guides me to more fulfillment. I celebrate these moments like tonight where my heart feels like it grew. I also know I will get triggered and close. Then, I will open. Then, close. And play somewhere in between…thus, is the dance of life.
alex_signature_pink

Destiny Unfolding

There is no need to manipulate the people or circumstances in your life to get what you want or require for the next step in your unfoldment. Your only need is to consciously enter your co-creative relationship with the Universe. Surrender, trust, and open yourself to the intuitive guidance right within you and all around you — and watch your destiny unfold.
Michael Bernard Beckwith

There is vitality and peace in owning our life stories. I’ve done this on a deeper level the last 2 months. I continue to be called to celebrate my unique life. Not the one that I think I “should” be living but the one that is happening right here in this moment.

My destiny is unfolding (now…today) and I don’t want to miss the opportunity to rise up Destiny Unfoldbecause I think it should/could be happening differently. These so called “challenges” are a part of my life’s work….my purpose. This excites me!

One of the big lessons I’m integrating more is seeing my challenges as stepping stones supporting my expansion rather than diminishing my Goddess life. We can either experience stress or growth. I am choosing GROWTH!

Lately, I’ve been keenly aware that I’m swimming in the unknown. Of course everyone is always swimming in the unknown but I’ve felt the ever-changing multifaceted layers of life in a more visceral way. There have been moments of hope, love, inspiration and also fear, fatigue and doubt.

And, now…from where I stand with some distance from the experience I chuckle because it’s the classic heroine’s journey. I’ve clearly been called to an adventure. Sometimes the call doesn’t feel like an adventure when you’re working with something like trauma, a loss or a health issue, but it is.

We can either choose to go on the adventure and trust it’s leading us towards our bliss or resist the call. Part of following our bliss is going into the storm…the dark night of the soul. When we willing go in and be with it all we realize it’s actually invigorating and not as scary as we might’ve thought. This doesn’t mean it’s always sunshine and unicorns. We all have to navigate the dark phases and battle our inner dragons and this takes grit and power.

We will be tested. Will we have the courage and the strength to stay on the path and answer the call?  How can we choose joy as we navigate the terrain of transformation? Can we see it as a rebirth and call back the parts of our essence that may have been disowned?

We go through this cycle over and over throughout our lives. Each time we answer the call, do the work, deconstruct our fears we receive a gift to share with the world. We then, gain more fortitude to share our light because we’ve made the trek into the depths of our soul.

Even through the uncomfortable places I am finding so much to celebrate and honor…my power, resilience and love. The gratitude seems more poignant. Tears of joy and tenderness seem to fall more easily from my eyes. The dark is needed as much as the light. Dark doesn’t mean it’s bad it just means it’s dark. Just as the sun shines light during the day the moon shines in the darkness of the night. Embracing the totality of it all is the way of the Goddess.

Can we trust that it’s all happening as it should? Can we embody this quote from Byron FullSizeRender-1Katie:  Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.

What does it look like to breathe into our heart and know that we are worthy and cared for no matter what? Fully embracing the powerful journey as we move from a caterpillar to butterfly…a snake shedding it’s skin in order to continually grow…to start anew. Can we hold space for ourselves through it all? YES, I know we can! 🙂

I smiled this morning when I woke up and danced while singing: I am exactly where I need be!! Destiny she blesses me. This is the good stuff. This is where the magic and miracles happen. I must honor all phases as I integrate my whole self.

Sending much love to you on your heroine’s (hero’s) journey. May you continue to unfold, blossom and thrive as you rejoice in the fullness of your life!

alex_signature_pink

P.S. Finding Joe is an awesome movie about the hero’s journey if you’re interested. 🙂

A call for transformation & healing

Imagine you could re-write your life starting today? Is there anything you would change? Who would you be? What would you do? What would you stop doing? How would you interact with the world? How would you choose to feel? How would you create this thing called your life?

This is the process I am in right now. I recently had a wake up call. I was literally shaken up. My body, mind and heart…rocked. I was taking some time off during my moon cycle to be more inwardly focused and then…my Mom came for a visit and then…on July 30th I had two seizures in a 20 hour period with two trips to the ER. Not what I was planning for my time offline.:)

It has been an intense and beautiful 2 1/2 weeks. I am in major discovery mode right now and still integrating. We are blessed to have so many incredible people in our lives. I have been overwhelmed with gratitude for all the love and support and been brought to tears daily. My husband and Mom and my son all have been amazing. Amazing!

It’s been a very vulnerable time for me to feel how much I need (and want) help and support. My life isn’t my own. I’ve seen how much it influences the people I love. I’ve seen how much people really do care. I’ve seen the softness in everyone’s hearts. The love is so big and deep.

My uncle is a brain scientist and helped me get an appointment with a brilliant neurologist at UCLA last week. I’ve done a CT scan, MRI, along with blood tests and a physical exam and those were all normal. I did an EEG test on Thursday and will do another more detailed MRI test on Tuesday. We will get those results next week which will hopefully give us more insight into what is going on in my brain.

I was hospitalized for febrile seizures when I was 1 + 3 years old and haven’t had any since. We all have a seizure threshold and because I had them when I was younger I have a lower threshold. I have a bunch of theories about what might have caused them.

I didn’t know it at the time but in October I started having some neurological issues. It started 3 weeks after witnessing our dog being killed by another dog at the beach. I’d have 10-30 seconds episodes every few weeks where I would feel flushed, with a wave of nausea and slight spaciness/dizziness. I just thought it was stress from the trauma. When I told the Docs about it they called them: aurus or dissociations and it’s a sign that something was triggered in the brain.

There are ideas on what might have created the perfect storm: doing a cleanse/reaction to herbs, gut permeability, thyroid + hormones imbalance, mold, trauma – being at the beach for the first time in 10 months after our dog’s death, etc. I’m exploring all facets right now. I will share more as I research and discover more from the diagnostic tests.

The whole process has been fascinating, humbling and opening. I’ve been in awe of the hospital and so grateful for the people who give so generously. My worldview about the medical system has expanded along with my heart.

I’ve had moments of fear (and tears) flow through as we navigate the unknown. I’ve also had waves of inspiration and enthusiasm knowing that this is only taking me to the next phase of my heroine’s journey. I’ve already felt big openings urging me to live an even more authentically awesome life. It’s all here for my good. All of it. No matter what happens.

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

— St. Teresa of Avila

I’m already a stronger, more resilient and powerful woman because of this.  I feel the big and subtle shifts happening and the overarching call for transformation. I am feeling called to re-wire my brain and dive deeper into myself. My life is amazing. Absolutely stunningly beautiful! I feel this now more than ever. I also know there are places where I’ve been hiding….places I’ve been limiting my joy, letting fears in, and dimming my sparkle, my dreams and my desires. It’s game time, Sweet Goddess. If you ever needed a reason to fully live out loud…here it is!!

I am listening and I am ready. Let’s do this! ❤

Sending love and heart smiles,

alex_signature_pink

P.S. My main intention is to heal and rest so I won’t be sharing my daily journal anymore (this may change in the future). For now, I will post as I feel called. If you feel inspired to send me some love and prayers I graciously say: “YES! Thank you!!” 🙂 I welcome and rejoice in any and all light, love and healing. #thankyou