Daily Bliss – November 9, 2015

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.  Howard Thurman

Affirmation: I feel enthusiastic, energized, radiant, powerful, and joyful!

Nutrition:
* 7:30 bulletproof decaff coffee w/cacao powder/coconut milk/mct oil/stevia
* 10:00 power smoothie (homemade almond milk, steamed spinach, blueberries, maca, stevia leaf, collagen)
* 12:30 handful of plaintain chips (planned on a juice but the place was closed)
* 3:00 chicken dipped in primal kitchen mayo (love this stuff)
* 6:00 butternut squash soup with sauteed chard and ground beef topped with avocado + few bites of a persimmon

Movement: 5 minute walk at 6:15 w/ E to walk the doggie + 20 minute strength workout (pretty light but did get heart rate up) +10 minute walk + 10 minute walk + 10 minute family walk

Meditation: 20 minutes + 45 minute napitation and listened to this 4 minute Blissitation: Power Strength & Courage:


Book Love:
I recently finished these books:
The Loving Diet. This one’s about going beyond paleo into the heart of what ails you. I really loved it because it’s about choosing to love yourself and life no matter what your physical ailments are. Jessica, the author, focuses on the autoimmune protocol in her practice but she also brings a lovely heart centered approach to healing that I really dig.

Kale and Coffee. I’ve known about Kevin Gianni (The Renegade) for years. His book is all about his journey to finding health, happiness, and longevity. I enjoyed reading his story because I was pretty intense (like him) with the vegan (high raw) diet. I appreciated his honesty, courage and willingness to explore all avenues of health to see what works best for his body even when it challenged what he believed to be true.

Notes from a Blue Bike. It’s another memoir all about the the art of living intentionally in a chaotic world. Tsh is a wife and a mother to 3 kids. I love reading about how other mothers are creating their desired lives. It takes courage to create sacred boundaries in order to live the lives we most want. She’s a great writer and it was a fun to travel around the world through her eyes.

Body Goodness: I’ve been slowly getting off the bulletproof coffee. I liked the potential health and longevity theory but I didn’t notice any big benefits. And, I feel like a green smoothie/juice would probably be a better choice for me. Happy I tried it though.

Dr. Amen gave me some Serotonin Mood Support to help optimize my brain from what he saw on my brain scans mostly my limbic system being a bit overactive and signs of some trauma (from the last year with mold, our dog being killed and our best friend’s death). I think I notice a difference. I start my moon cycle in the next few days and I don’t feel the slight irritability + heightened emotional sensitivity that can come up for me at this time. Go serotonin boost! 🙂

Mind/Heart Goodness: I am inspired to simplify even more and to keep refining my essentials and rockin’ the simple habits that add the most power and joy to my daily life. I get *really* excited about a lot of habits and things I want to do and can tend to want to do them all (now!). 🙂

I’m bringing in my focus and only picking a few. This feels a bit challenging but I also know I will master more habits in the long run doing it this way. The question that is at the forefront of my mind is: What is most important now? What will have the greatest impact on my life today, next month, next year? What would it look/feel like if I did these habits every day? Simple wins and creating sustainable success!

Gratitude & Appreciation: I am grateful for the blue sky and clouds. They seem extraordinarily beautiful today as we walked and played outside. I am grateful for the abundance of yummy fruits and vegetables we have access to every week. I am grateful for books. Every day so much gratitude for books and the awesome people who wrote them! I am grateful for all the sweet little interactions we have with people around town. I am grateful for everyone who helped built the new park by our house. I am grateful for the Internet and all the amazing people I’ve met because of it, including my husband! I am grateful for the life and family we’ve created together.

Oh, and I won the day for my Brain & Body Optimization Game! Woot! Woot!

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Brain & Body Optimization Game

Recently, I posted about a game I’m playing to help optimize my brain and body! I’ve been (mostly) rockin’ it! I haven’t done a great of a job with holding the vision and jazzing up my enthusiasm or tracking my daily progress which I know is impacting my intention, daily focus and commitment. And, making those meals. Yeah….

We don’t eat out (well, occasionally we do get a plain roasted chicken + some pre-made guacamole at Whole Foods and a salad if we go to Erewhon Market – my two favorite health food stores EVER!) but that’s about it these days.

The other night I knew I needed to do a better job with meals because we went to the park after the hubster was done working and I didn’t have anything prepared for dinner (usually I at least have something planned). So, we ate organic chicken/turkey sausages, plantain chips, olives and fermented pickles. Bonus points for getting outside and moving but…the whole meal planning needs work! 🙂

I felt like I needed to breathe new life into my game!

So, I printed off the game and made a commitment to read it every day and actually play the game by keeping score. I’ve kept track some days and I noticed I felt more on purpose and alive, so I am going to do that more! Focusing on getting better not doing the game perfectly (reminding myself!). 🙂

I wanted to share it with the hopes that it will spark and help you rock your health even more! Here’s the game:


The Brain & Body Game

The Mission: I’ve chosen to take on the mission of optimizing my brain and body and supporting my son and husband to do the same. The intention is to execute and follow the plan to completion. Epic win, baby! I will detox the mold out of my system, balance my brain and increase my energy and vitality. #YES

Superhero Name: The Supercharged Goddess! She is all about creating vibrant body and brain health and peak performance. She has the ability to heal and create a beautiful brain and vibrant body! #Superpowersbaby!

My divine assignments are to focus on daily core vitamins:
Vitamin (N)utrients — Eat an abundance of nutrient dense foods + eliminate potential inflammatory foods
Vitamin (E)xercise — Move ALOT throughout the day
Vitamin (R)est Digital sunset (meaning turning off electricity when sun goes down) go to bed early + nap when needed
Vitamin (M)editation AM 15 minutes (bonus if I do it in the evening)
Vitamin (G)ratitude — AM + PM  (+ choose gratitude and appreciation though out the day)
Vitamin (O)ptimism — Review my game + feel into my vision every AM + PM – Choose awesomeness!
Vitamin (L)ove — Practice loving kindness towards myself/others. No criticism, blame, complaint.
Vitamin (P)lay — Have fun! Play and enjoy! 🙂 Be willing to do things differently and laugh a lot!

Game Rules:
1. The game is 5 weeks long. Start Date: October 26, 2015 + End Date: November 30, 2015. This is sort of a jump start because according to my functional doc this will probably be 3-6 month process.

2. My Yeses — Eat meals that are super nutrient dense, lower in carbohydrates, limited fruit and nuts (with a lot of autoimmune protocol meals to help decrease any inflammation).

3. My Nos — No grains, No legumes, No dairy (except ghee), No sweetener of any kind (except stevia), No vegetable oils (to keep a healthy omega 3 to 6 ratio) — with the exception of an occasional “special” day when we choose to eat out. Most of our meals are in alignment with this already but it makes it easier when there is absolute clarity.

4. Be intentional — Stay connected to the vision, record +celebrate my daily wins and progress.

Feeling & Being Desires:
1. Enthusiasm — I feel enthusiastic!
2. Energy — I feel energized!
3. Radiance — I feel radiant!
4. Power — I feel powerful!
5. Joy — I feel joyful!
6. Love — I feel loving!

Specific Desired Outcomes:
1. Create amazing systems so it’s easy for our family to eat a daily nutrient dense diet (6+ servings of vegetables a day with good amounts of healthy fat and moderate amounts of protein)
2. Detox mycotoxins (mold) and eliminate any potential inflammation in body/brain (confirm this with another urine test from reatime labs)
4. Optimized + supercharged blood panel (will test with wellnessfx )
5. Optimized gut panel with genova (no mold, candida, optimal gut flora + optimal digestion)
6. Optimized hormone panel (comprehensive test — thyroid, progesterone, testosterone, estrogen, etc.)
7. Balanced and optimized QEEG with neurofeedback training  (do 10+ sessions)
8. Be ready to cut down on the anti-convulsant (keppra) medication to 500 mg starting in December. I’ve already gone from 1000 mg to 750 and intend to go to 250 by January and then completely off by the end of January and then be able to drive again in February. #YAY!

This is the structure I am using to track:

Energy Generators: Goal is to activate at least 5 of these a day. —  1 point for each one.
✓    Morning sunshine — say hello to the sun within an hour of waking (1 minute minimum)
✓   Read my vision – get inspired and create day
✓    1 song dance
✓    Take supplements
✓    Meditation
✓    Nap(itation) – meditation + nap
✓    Take 10 deep breaths
✓   Walk (minimum 5 minutes)
✓    Strength Training (minimum 10 minutes)
✓    Rebounding
✓    Green Smoothie
✓    Green Juice
✓    Raw greens
✓    Cooked greens
✓    Bone broth or collagen supplement
✓    Sing and/or hum
✓    Plan the meals for the day (do this the night before)
✓    Body Love — look in the mirror and say I love you and appreciate 1 thing about my body
✓    Gratitude – take a gratitude pause and/or thank someone for helping me in some way (be specific)
✓    Whole Body Vibration Machine
✓    Grounding – use mat or go outside on the earth
✓    Touch a tree and take a few deep breaths
✓    Digital sunset + in bed by 9

Score for the day:

Obstacles: Goal is to avoid at least 5 of these a day.  — 1 point for each one. We all have obstacles that get in the way of achieving what we most desire. It’s important to be aware of them so we are prepared to choose (not resort to our default tenancies).
✓    No sweeteners (except stevia)
✓    No packaged foods
✓    No grains
✓    No legumes
✓    No vegetable oils (like canola, safflower, sunflower, grapeseed, etc.)
✓    No eating out
✓    No dairy (except ghee)
✓    Laziness – not being prepared and/or not wanting to make food
✓    Not picking up the kitchen – I notice it’s much easier and more inspiring to cook in a clean kitchen
✓    Negative self-talk and victim thinking (5 to 1 with myself – meaning 5 appreciations for every criticism).

Score for the day:

Goddess Adventures: These are bigger so I get 5 points each time I do one of these. 🙂
✓    Go to a class – fitness, yoga, do something different
✓    Neurofeedback session
✓    Colonic
✓    Enema – coffee or probiotic one
✓    Wash a bunch of vegetables and cut them up so they are ready for meals  — my ultimate goal is to create a system that makes this easy (calling on the food fairy for support on this one;)
✓    Make a new recipe
✓    Help someone else – Look for ways to help other people – do something for someone else — actually plan a way to do something kind and helpful for someone else.
✓    Dance party — 3 or more songs – sing, laugh and dance
✓    Letter of appreciation to myself. Thanking myself for all that I am doing and accomplishing and who I am becoming.
✓    Record and listen to the Optimize Body & Brain Game! (Create a meditation and a vision of why I am doing it and who I am committed to being.) — started working on this yesterday!:)
✓    Do The Work or ANTS (reframing Automatic Negative Thoughts by Daniel Amen) when I notice something triggering me
✓    Sauna (minimum 15 minutes)
✓    Hyperberic Oxygen session
✓    Do something fun and ridiculous and out of the ordinary — skip down the street, do a cartwheel,  hop on one foot, do a break dance while making dinner. Change it up! (like adventure quests with a toddler).

Score for the day:

What’s my Heroic Victory? These are some of the questions I am contemplating and maybe they will inspire you to do something new to upgrade your health.
* What’s the end vision look and feel like?
* How will this game help me grow? What do I hope to learn?
* Who do I want to be for my family? Why is this important to me?
* What would feel super epic if I accomplished in regards to my health?
* How can I be the heroine in my own life and make myself proud?

Love to hear your thoughts and any ideas/games you might want to play!

alex_signature_pink

P.S. Any tips on meal planning for those of you superstars that have mastered that habit!? 🙂

Bliss Diary – October 26, 2015

To keep faith with life is to experience that everything — everything that comes to us, whatever it is — has it’s place in the puzzle of our existence. — Roger Housden

I am starting my Optimized Brain & Body Game today. The gist of the game is to win the day for the next 5 weeks. I do this by honoring the nutrition protocol and doing 5 energy generators, 1 adventure and avoiding 5 obstacles. #wootwoot

Affirmation: I’m on fire with life! It’s all good!

Nutrition:
* 7:30 cup of bulletproof decaff coffee with 2 tsp of mct oil + tsp of ghee
* 9:30 25 oz green juiceFullSizeRender
* 10:30 celeric soup w/ sauteed purple cabbage topped with olives + a slice of bacon
* 2:30 3 scrambled eggs + sweet potato fries + probably 2 oz of my son’s smoothie (1/2 green apple, 1/3 c of mango, 1 small cucumber, 1/4 avocado, 8 oz green juice = suuuuper good!)
* 5:30 ish 25 oz green juice + then around 6:30 had a little bit of ground beef and a pickleFullSizeRender-1

Body Goodness: Day 1 and I woke up with a little bit of a headache.;)  This almost never happens but it fueled my desire even more. I want to feel really good in my body. This is why I am playing this game. I got up and did my normal routine and committed to having a wonderful day and knew that once I drank a bunch of water and got moving it would go away. By 8:30 I felt awesome! I felt on my game and inspired for most of the day. I did notice a drop in energy and enthusiasm around 3:30 pm but knew that it would pass (helps to have a practice to not dive into stories too much).

Mind & Heart Goodness: I notice that one of my biggest complaints is lack of energy. This morning in my meditation I reminded myself that I am the one who gets to choose my energy. I can do a lot of things to generate more energy and power in my body that only take 1-5 minutes. Do something – anything-  to get into motion!

I am changing the habit of fatigue. I noticed how much I can believe the lack of energy story and the more I believe it the more it keeps me locked into feeling tired. I decided to consciously choose ENERGY today. No matter what. I choose vitality, health and joy!

Even when I felt my energy dip in the afternoon I knew I could do things to increase my mojo. I acknowledged the tiredness while also noticing that I could still find aspects of joy and energy even with a lower sense of vitality. I can use tiredness to my advantage. It can be a signal to slow down, breathe and be with it (not make myself wrong for feeling this way which is another habit I am working on;). I keep reminding myself to not believe everything I think, especially when I’m feeling tired. 🙂

Gratitude & Appreciation: I feel so blessed to be able to play this game. I feel grateful for the inspiration that is flowing through me. I am grateful for all the people that inspire me daily. I am grateful for green juice (love that stuff). I am grateful for my husband and son. Life is so much better with them. I am grateful for my freedom. I am grateful to be able to create my life the way I do. I am grateful for all that books I get to read. I am grateful for all the healthy and delicious food we have in our kitchen. I a grateful to have our kitchen put back together after the remediation. I am grateful for my passion and curiosity. I am grateful for all the sweet littler interactions with have with our local community every day. I am grateful for our beautiful home. I am grateful for my Mom and all of her support and love. I am grateful Fall is here. I love this time of year. 🙂

Energy Generators: I win one point for each one of these
15 minute meditation
20 minute rebounding
10 minute morning sun + grounding on some dirt in the backyard (2 points)
Green juice
5 minute self-massage (head and shoulders)
10 deep breaths
“I’ve got spirit cheer” — This was some loud whooohoooo’s + yeaaaaaahs with some cheerleading jumps (ridiculous, fun and energizing ;))
5 + 5 + 5 minute errand walk pushing stroller
35 minute napitation
1 song dance
Gratitude practice
Family Walk
Daily supplements
Bed at 9:15

14 points

Adventures: I win 3 points for each one of these.
1. Do the work (Byron Katie style) + Daniel Amen’s ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts) practice on something that is triggering me

3 points

Obstacles: 1 point for jumping over/avoiding these.
1. No kombucha
2. No sweeteners
3. No dairy
4. No legumes
5. No grains
6. No vegetable oils
7. Laziness (mostly in regards to not wanting to make food)
8. Stop negative self-talk and victim thinking (+ reframe)

8 Points

Today I won the day! #YES! Total Score: 25 points

Can I get a higher score tomorrow? 😉

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P.S. I am recording this every day and will post my diary on occasion. 🙂

The Brain & Body Optimization Game

Tomorrow I start playing a game I created called: The Brain and Body Optimization Game. If you’ve been following my journey the last few months you know I’ve been investigating the cause of 2 seizures with the biggest trigger being hidden mold in our kitchen. I’ve seen a lot of doctors/healers/practitioners and have received valuable advice. Now I am simplifying and focusing on the action steps I think are the most vital for my well-being.

One of my biggest findings is that I have mycotoxins (from the mold) in my system. These are very toxic for the brain. I found this out by doing a urine test with RealTime Labs. I am working with my local functional doctor to detox. The basic protocol is: specific supplements, eating a super nutrient dense diet, glutathione IVs, along with colonics, infared sauna and hyperbaric oxygen sessions.veggies 1

I also learned some amazing goodness from Dr. Amen about my how my brain is currently functioning. There are a few places that need some extra lovin’.

My brains scans were congruent with some emotional trauma and he recommended EMDR therapy for that. I also had one area on my QEEG that he thought neurofeedback would help. I met with his friend, Bryan Hixson, and will be starting a series of sessions soon. And, Dr. Amen generously gifted us with a month’s worth of supplements to help optimize my brain more. #jazzed #blessed

I’ve got my “team” for the next phase of healing. It consists of my functional medicine doc – Dr. Bernhoft plus the brain doc/neuroscientist – Dr. Daniel Amen and Bryan Hixson the neurofeedback brain performance expert. I still need to find an EMDR therapist and then it will be complete. I will re-evaluate in the next few  months to see if anyone else is needed but I feel pretty supported with these 3 superstars!

I will share the whole game in the next few days so you can see how I intend to play. 🙂 I’ve always loved creating my life in a gameful way. I’ve been doing it for years and with this specific game I’ve added some upgraded tools and inspiration from Superbetter. I’m golden and ready!

The game will be 5 weeks long with the focus being on healing my braiveggiesn and my body and taking my health to the next level. I will be eating a lower carbohydrate diet, moderate protein and higher fat with a splash of the autoimmune protocol to reduce any hidden inflammation in brain/body.

This is a whole family game. Because #1 it’s more fun to optimize and supercharge together and #2 because we have all been exposed to mold.

Today we made a bunch of green juice, and the guys got a blissload of nutrient dense foods at the farmer’s market and then, we made sweet potato fries, celeriac root soup, and sauteed purple cabbage. And, we just finished washing and cutting up a bunch of veggies to get ready for the week. Go Time! Yahoooo!! 🙂

Now, we are off to walk to the park! Hope you’re having an awesome day!

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Body Shame to Body Love

I had a body love moment when I looked in the mirror last week and I talked about in the video above. I felt a huge wave of gratitude because that wasn’t always the case. Like many woman I’ve worked with body image issues throughout the years.  I shared a bit of my personal story and the 4 practices I believe have helped decrease shameful thoughts/feelings about my body and also help me celebrate the unique beauty in all women!

Ok, I hear a toddler wanting to play by saying: “Put me in.” He’s really into being wrapped up in blankets and then pretending he’s a caterpillar and finding a hole and coming out as a butterfly. So awesome and sweet and one of those times when you smile in awe of how amazing these little people are! 🙂

May we all continue to invite play into our transformation process.

Sending body love,

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Let’s talk about mold

What an adventure the last 6 weeks have been. I am still in major discovery mode (or sleuthing as my hubby calls it).  I am learning a ton and it’s a whole new place of self-discovery, trust, and health that I wasn’t planning on diving into but Life had other plans. 🙂

My MRI with an epilepsy protocol was normal/clear and my EEG was mostly normal showing no epilepsy with one part abnormal but they didn’t really know the cause. In layperson terms it showed that randomly my left hemisphere had slower brain waves and it happened occasionally on the right too.

To keep my sense of humor up I joke that I’m on the way to enlightenment Hahah!  Plato, Socrates, Caroline Myss, Teresa of Avila, and others all have had seizures. Maybe all of my neurons fired at the same time to do a massive re-wire. 😉 Or maybe…it was an environmental toxin.

That is where my research and intuition has lead me: MOLD! Quick Snapshot: I watched Dave Asprey’s movie: MOLDY for free the week it came out. It inspired me to have someone come out and do some testing because I noticed water and a musty smell underneath our kitchen sink. I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. I kept wiping the water up and had a plumber check it out along with the water filter guy. When the tests came back there were lower levels of aspergillus and penicillin. It didn’t seem like we had a big issue. I know some people have crazy high numbers.

Mold can start growing within a day or two and from what I later found out there was an undetected leak that was causing way more mold to grow. My guess is the leak started around September-ish. If you remember from my last post, I had my first so called “neurological issues or partial seizure as some call them” on October 21st (noted in my journal).

Fast forward to July 30th…My son and my Mom and I are “glamping”. I smelled mold as soon as I walked in but I didn’t think much about it. We were only going to be there for a night. Not a big deal right? Then, my Mom woke up to me having a seizure at 4 am. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Soon as I made some of these connections I called a company to come and remediate our kitchen asap. They started it last week. They thought it would be a simple project, but when they opened it all up they realized it was bigger than anticipated. There was a bunch of mold that was black in a various places (I saw pictures).  It was definitely hiding because you couldn’t see it and when I asked people if they could smell it most said they couldn’t. I must have a more sensitive nose (which might mean that I am more sensitive to mold – around 28% of the population is – according to Asprey).

After they remediated they did a clearance test and it passed but the test showed a trace of stachybotrys (black) mold, that wasn’t there on the initial test. Black mold off gases are the most toxic. Sometimes air/swab testing can miss these mold/mycotoxins. A red flag went up for me even though it was trace levels because it meant that it was hiding back there all this time and probably giving off neurotoxins that are obviously very harmful for the brain.

My hunch is that on a low level (or not so low) I was exposed to the mold the most because I’m in the kitchen a lot throughout the day cooking/cleaning/prepping. I think the last 10 months along with the moldy tent (along with a few other variables) pushed me over the edge and I hit my seizure threshold. And…interestingly, there is a connection with low thyroid/ hormone function and mold.

To quote Dave Asprey (who clearly has optimized his brain and body and doesn’t have the issues he used to have): My history of mold exposure provided an opportunity for me to learn more about biohacking than I originally wanted to. When I began biohacking and had my hormone levels tested, I discovered that I had thyroid, adrenal, testosterone, and estrogen problems. I was even diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease, a condition which the immune system attacks the thyroid gland. In my case, either mold or gluten or both triggered Hashimoto’s, as mold makes your immune system more sensitive to the damaging effects of gluten.

Fascinating! I have been gluten free for the last 7 years but before that I grew up on gluten. In regards to the mold, there have been at least 5 places in the last 15 years that were suspect and 2 from my childhood. Oh, and btw, I might not have Hashimoto’s. My acupuncturist and naturopath say YES! and my functional environment doctor and neurologist say NO! The tests do reveal my thyroid isn’t functionally optimally but I’m currently gonna go with No Hashimoto’s and I will still get regular testing and probably do yearly ultrasounds to ensure I stay within the optimal range.

This whole thing has been an experiment in trusting myself and following my intuition. I’m incredibly blessed to have access to such amazing experts with lots of wisdom and at the end of the day, I am the one who resides in this body. I must trust what resonates and what doesn’t, while remaining opening and willing to learn new things from brilliant people who are clearly masters in their selected domain. But, there are many pieces – mind, body, heart and spirit that are involved. I have the ability to rise up and see the whole picture and integrate, flow and know the right path for me.

What’s next? Our kitchen is still being remediated. I chose to do a more detailed testing before we re-built it to be 100% sure we got all the mold out. We did a few more swab samples and a dust sample (similar to the ERMI test which Ritchie Shoemaker recommends). I also did a mycotoxin test urine test to see what extent my body has detoxed the neurotoxins. My local doc is a functional/integrative doctor with an emphasis on an environmental issues so he will be guiding me on the next part of my mold detoxing protocol which is awesome!

These are some of the resources I found helpful:
Moldy Movie
How your house can make you weak
Surving Mold by Ritche Shoemaker
Tox-Sick by Suzanne Somer

Thank you all so much for the love and light that you’ve shared with me. Know that I’ve been deeply touched and even though I’m not blogging/emailing much these days your words have been a healing balm that has brought tears of connection and love to my eyes. #grateful

I hope this was helpful for you or maybe someone you know.

Virtual hugs, happy healing dances and love! ❤

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P.S. The awesome woman who helped me with E for ~10 hours every week for the last 2.5 years moved last month. And, I don’t live close to family, so most of my alone time is dedicated to my blissiplines (nutrition/meditation/exercise/rest/etc.) I will share more as more space opens up. There is still so much more I want to share about the mental/emotional/spiritual healing that is unfolding as well. 🙂

A call for transformation & healing

Imagine you could re-write your life starting today? Is there anything you would change? Who would you be? What would you do? What would you stop doing? How would you interact with the world? How would you choose to feel? How would you create this thing called your life?

This is the process I am in right now. I recently had a wake up call. I was literally shaken up. My body, mind and heart…rocked. I was taking some time off during my moon cycle to be more inwardly focused and then…my Mom came for a visit and then…on July 30th I had two seizures in a 20 hour period with two trips to the ER. Not what I was planning for my time offline.:)

It has been an intense and beautiful 2 1/2 weeks. I am in major discovery mode right now and still integrating. We are blessed to have so many incredible people in our lives. I have been overwhelmed with gratitude for all the love and support and been brought to tears daily. My husband and Mom and my son all have been amazing. Amazing!

It’s been a very vulnerable time for me to feel how much I need (and want) help and support. My life isn’t my own. I’ve seen how much it influences the people I love. I’ve seen how much people really do care. I’ve seen the softness in everyone’s hearts. The love is so big and deep.

My uncle is a brain scientist and helped me get an appointment with a brilliant neurologist at UCLA last week. I’ve done a CT scan, MRI, along with blood tests and a physical exam and those were all normal. I did an EEG test on Thursday and will do another more detailed MRI test on Tuesday. We will get those results next week which will hopefully give us more insight into what is going on in my brain.

I was hospitalized for febrile seizures when I was 1 + 3 years old and haven’t had any since. We all have a seizure threshold and because I had them when I was younger I have a lower threshold. I have a bunch of theories about what might have caused them.

I didn’t know it at the time but in October I started having some neurological issues. It started 3 weeks after witnessing our dog being killed by another dog at the beach. I’d have 10-30 seconds episodes every few weeks where I would feel flushed, with a wave of nausea and slight spaciness/dizziness. I just thought it was stress from the trauma. When I told the Docs about it they called them: aurus or dissociations and it’s a sign that something was triggered in the brain.

There are ideas on what might have created the perfect storm: doing a cleanse/reaction to herbs, gut permeability, thyroid + hormones imbalance, mold, trauma – being at the beach for the first time in 10 months after our dog’s death, etc. I’m exploring all facets right now. I will share more as I research and discover more from the diagnostic tests.

The whole process has been fascinating, humbling and opening. I’ve been in awe of the hospital and so grateful for the people who give so generously. My worldview about the medical system has expanded along with my heart.

I’ve had moments of fear (and tears) flow through as we navigate the unknown. I’ve also had waves of inspiration and enthusiasm knowing that this is only taking me to the next phase of my heroine’s journey. I’ve already felt big openings urging me to live an even more authentically awesome life. It’s all here for my good. All of it. No matter what happens.

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

— St. Teresa of Avila

I’m already a stronger, more resilient and powerful woman because of this.  I feel the big and subtle shifts happening and the overarching call for transformation. I am feeling called to re-wire my brain and dive deeper into myself. My life is amazing. Absolutely stunningly beautiful! I feel this now more than ever. I also know there are places where I’ve been hiding….places I’ve been limiting my joy, letting fears in, and dimming my sparkle, my dreams and my desires. It’s game time, Sweet Goddess. If you ever needed a reason to fully live out loud…here it is!!

I am listening and I am ready. Let’s do this! ❤

Sending love and heart smiles,

alex_signature_pink

P.S. My main intention is to heal and rest so I won’t be sharing my daily journal anymore (this may change in the future). For now, I will post as I feel called. If you feel inspired to send me some love and prayers I graciously say: “YES! Thank you!!” 🙂 I welcome and rejoice in any and all light, love and healing. #thankyou