Destiny Unfolding

There is no need to manipulate the people or circumstances in your life to get what you want or require for the next step in your unfoldment. Your only need is to consciously enter your co-creative relationship with the Universe. Surrender, trust, and open yourself to the intuitive guidance right within you and all around you — and watch your destiny unfold.
Michael Bernard Beckwith

There is vitality and peace in owning our life stories. I’ve done this on a deeper level the last 2 months. I continue to be called to celebrate my unique life. Not the one that I think I “should” be living but the one that is happening right here in this moment.

My destiny is unfolding (now…today) and I don’t want to miss the opportunity to rise up Destiny Unfoldbecause I think it should/could be happening differently. These so called “challenges” are a part of my life’s work….my purpose. This excites me!

One of the big lessons I’m integrating more is seeing my challenges as stepping stones supporting my expansion rather than diminishing my Goddess life. We can either experience stress or growth. I am choosing GROWTH!

Lately, I’ve been keenly aware that I’m swimming in the unknown. Of course everyone is always swimming in the unknown but I’ve felt the ever-changing multifaceted layers of life in a more visceral way. There have been moments of hope, love, inspiration and also fear, fatigue and doubt.

And, now…from where I stand with some distance from the experience I chuckle because it’s the classic heroine’s journey. I’ve clearly been called to an adventure. Sometimes the call doesn’t feel like an adventure when you’re working with something like trauma, a loss or a health issue, but it is.

We can either choose to go on the adventure and trust it’s leading us towards our bliss or resist the call. Part of following our bliss is going into the storm…the dark night of the soul. When we willing go in and be with it all we realize it’s actually invigorating and not as scary as we might’ve thought. This doesn’t mean it’s always sunshine and unicorns. We all have to navigate the dark phases and battle our inner dragons and this takes grit and power.

We will be tested. Will we have the courage and the strength to stay on the path and answer the call?  How can we choose joy as we navigate the terrain of transformation? Can we see it as a rebirth and call back the parts of our essence that may have been disowned?

We go through this cycle over and over throughout our lives. Each time we answer the call, do the work, deconstruct our fears we receive a gift to share with the world. We then, gain more fortitude to share our light because we’ve made the trek into the depths of our soul.

Even through the uncomfortable places I am finding so much to celebrate and honor…my power, resilience and love. The gratitude seems more poignant. Tears of joy and tenderness seem to fall more easily from my eyes. The dark is needed as much as the light. Dark doesn’t mean it’s bad it just means it’s dark. Just as the sun shines light during the day the moon shines in the darkness of the night. Embracing the totality of it all is the way of the Goddess.

Can we trust that it’s all happening as it should? Can we embody this quote from Byron FullSizeRender-1Katie:  Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.

What does it look like to breathe into our heart and know that we are worthy and cared for no matter what? Fully embracing the powerful journey as we move from a caterpillar to butterfly…a snake shedding it’s skin in order to continually grow…to start anew. Can we hold space for ourselves through it all? YES, I know we can! 🙂

I smiled this morning when I woke up and danced while singing: I am exactly where I need be!! Destiny she blesses me. This is the good stuff. This is where the magic and miracles happen. I must honor all phases as I integrate my whole self.

Sending much love to you on your heroine’s (hero’s) journey. May you continue to unfold, blossom and thrive as you rejoice in the fullness of your life!

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P.S. Finding Joe is an awesome movie about the hero’s journey if you’re interested. 🙂

Parenting from the Inside Out – Interview with Dan Siegel


Dr. Dan Siegel
is an internationally acclaimed author, award-winning educator, and child psychiatrist. His books include Mindsight, The Developing MindThe Mindful Brain, The Mindful TherapistParenting From the Inside Out, and The Whole-Brain Child.

He’s also a friend of my husband’s. I’ve met with him a few times and just recently chatted with him about my brain health. He is incredibly brilliant and an amazing human being. A true genius!

I did this interview with him while I was pregnant. It was so fun to listen to it again after being a parent for 3 years now. Oh, how parenthood changes you in the most beautiful and challenging ways. 🙂  I am eternally grateful for his work. His books and wisdom have be instrumental in helping me become the Mother I am and desire to be.

I hope you you enjoy!!

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Bliss Diary – September 22, 2015

There are particular types of seeds that remain dormant until they are broken open by a forest fire. Likewise, there is a seed within you that opens only by the fire of your readiness to transform. Challenges are the great awakeners, and when we welcome them we ignite the inner fire of transformation and invite a greater vision for our life to emerge from within us.” – Michael Bernard Beckwith

Nutrition:
* bulletproof coffee w/mct oil, coconut milk, ghee, stevia
* 16 oz green juice (w/ power greens) + 20 minutes later a big handful of flax crackers
* 32 oz green smoothie (romaine, parsley, cucumber, celery, apple, lemon, avocado)
* bowl of chard/kale and ground beef with a few bites of lemon/avocado/coconut milk ice cream

I have never been a coffee drinker. I really dig a lot of Dave Asprey’s work and I usually just skipped over the coffee part because I was breastfeeding (more on that below) and thought it would be a bad idea for my adrenals.  But, then I watched an interview with him and Alberto Villoldo and they were talking about how coffee activated the longevity gene. It was fascinating so I decided to try it. It’s been a week. I don’t notice much of a difference but willing to experiment. 

Movement:
* 15 minutes of rebounding + 30 burpees (watching Power Up Your Brain by my Hubby)
* 7 minute walk to library and 7 minute walk home

* ~30 minute Family stroll after dinner

Affirmation:
I’ve got this. Power up!!

Meditation:
*
15 minutes
*
75 minute napitation listening to the I am healthy blissitation (yay! for toddler naps;)

Body Goodness:
I am feeling good in my body. I’m a little bit sore from sprint (ok, a stride;) workout yesterday. I am also healing the last bit of a sinus infection which feels awesome. I will write a post on what I did to heal it naturally soon. I think doing the mold remediation in our kitchen and hello!, the last few months of change and transformation gave my immune system a run for her money. 🙂 But, feeling strong today. A new level of determination has arisen. Challenges are the great awakeners.

I also stopped breastfeeding after I had my seizures. They gave me an anti-convulsant (keppra) IV in the ER and I am currently on a low dose for 3 months to ensure I don’t have another one. I will begin tapering off soon. I was planning to stop nursing when E turned 3 and we’d been talking about it so it wasn’t that big of a transition. Yet, there was a sweet and tender sadness because I loved it so much. (tears!) But, it was also time for me to replenish my body, honor the seasons of change and the natural cycles of life.

Mind/Heart Goodness:
I had a dream last night about my college volleyball days. I was on the court playing a game and I was just off, totally not in my usual flow. I felt like a failure. I was walking off the court for a time-out and had a flash of the time my coach called me into his office and told me I was the spark plug of the team. I was the catalyst. I had a surge of energy and power and there was a feeling of yes, this is who I am.

When I opened my eyes this morning I smiled. I’ve got fire. A lot of it and a spark plug is an awesome way to describe it. Thanks to my Coach for seeing and reminding me that I am a catalyst 17 years ago. How I live my life influences everyone around me. I am choosing to embrace that part of me today, let her play and bring the fire back into my days. #bringit

I’m reading: I recently finished Unleash The Power of Your Female Brain by Daniel Amen. I loved it because I am all about optimizing the brain. I have a bunch of his books I intend on reading and I look forward to doing a SPECT scan at one of his clinics.

This weekend I read Rising Strong by Brene Brown. Amazing! I love her. It was  an especially nourishing read with my current process. “The irony is that we attempt to disown our difficult stories to appear more whole or more acceptable, but our wholeness – even our wholeheartedness- actually depends on the integration of all of our experiences, including the falls.”

Now, I am reading SuperBetter by Jane McGonigal. It’s backed by a lot of research on how playing games can make you a happier, stronger and braver. I find her research fascinating on video games but I don’t play them and we don’t even have a TV. What I’m really interested in is making life more gameful. One of my top strengths is playfulness and I love to see the evidence showing that play is a smart thing to do. 🙂

Gratitude + Appreciation: I am grateful for our beautiful town. I love where we live. I am grateful my son takes naps so that I can take them too. I am grateful for my amazing husband and all of his support and hard work. I am grateful for my Mom, she is my best friend. I am grateful for all the amazing books I read on a regularly basis. I am grateful for my challenges and my choice to see them as growth opportunities. I am grateful for all the passionate and brilliant people out there doing incredible work to inspire and help others. #thankyou

I am feeling determined, inspired and content.

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P.S. My husband has a new podcast called Optimize. You can check it out HERE! There has been over 400,000 downloads in the last few weeks which is pretty amazing!! 🙂

Let’s talk about mold

What an adventure the last 6 weeks have been. I am still in major discovery mode (or sleuthing as my hubby calls it).  I am learning a ton and it’s a whole new place of self-discovery, trust, and health that I wasn’t planning on diving into but Life had other plans. 🙂

My MRI with an epilepsy protocol was normal/clear and my EEG was mostly normal showing no epilepsy with one part abnormal but they didn’t really know the cause. In layperson terms it showed that randomly my left hemisphere had slower brain waves and it happened occasionally on the right too.

To keep my sense of humor up I joke that I’m on the way to enlightenment Hahah!  Plato, Socrates, Caroline Myss, Teresa of Avila, and others all have had seizures. Maybe all of my neurons fired at the same time to do a massive re-wire. 😉 Or maybe…it was an environmental toxin.

That is where my research and intuition has lead me: MOLD! Quick Snapshot: I watched Dave Asprey’s movie: MOLDY for free the week it came out. It inspired me to have someone come out and do some testing because I noticed water and a musty smell underneath our kitchen sink. I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. I kept wiping the water up and had a plumber check it out along with the water filter guy. When the tests came back there were lower levels of aspergillus and penicillin. It didn’t seem like we had a big issue. I know some people have crazy high numbers.

Mold can start growing within a day or two and from what I later found out there was an undetected leak that was causing way more mold to grow. My guess is the leak started around September-ish. If you remember from my last post, I had my first so called “neurological issues or partial seizure as some call them” on October 21st (noted in my journal).

Fast forward to July 30th…My son and my Mom and I are “glamping”. I smelled mold as soon as I walked in but I didn’t think much about it. We were only going to be there for a night. Not a big deal right? Then, my Mom woke up to me having a seizure at 4 am. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Soon as I made some of these connections I called a company to come and remediate our kitchen asap. They started it last week. They thought it would be a simple project, but when they opened it all up they realized it was bigger than anticipated. There was a bunch of mold that was black in a various places (I saw pictures).  It was definitely hiding because you couldn’t see it and when I asked people if they could smell it most said they couldn’t. I must have a more sensitive nose (which might mean that I am more sensitive to mold – around 28% of the population is – according to Asprey).

After they remediated they did a clearance test and it passed but the test showed a trace of stachybotrys (black) mold, that wasn’t there on the initial test. Black mold off gases are the most toxic. Sometimes air/swab testing can miss these mold/mycotoxins. A red flag went up for me even though it was trace levels because it meant that it was hiding back there all this time and probably giving off neurotoxins that are obviously very harmful for the brain.

My hunch is that on a low level (or not so low) I was exposed to the mold the most because I’m in the kitchen a lot throughout the day cooking/cleaning/prepping. I think the last 10 months along with the moldy tent (along with a few other variables) pushed me over the edge and I hit my seizure threshold. And…interestingly, there is a connection with low thyroid/ hormone function and mold.

To quote Dave Asprey (who clearly has optimized his brain and body and doesn’t have the issues he used to have): My history of mold exposure provided an opportunity for me to learn more about biohacking than I originally wanted to. When I began biohacking and had my hormone levels tested, I discovered that I had thyroid, adrenal, testosterone, and estrogen problems. I was even diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease, a condition which the immune system attacks the thyroid gland. In my case, either mold or gluten or both triggered Hashimoto’s, as mold makes your immune system more sensitive to the damaging effects of gluten.

Fascinating! I have been gluten free for the last 7 years but before that I grew up on gluten. In regards to the mold, there have been at least 5 places in the last 15 years that were suspect and 2 from my childhood. Oh, and btw, I might not have Hashimoto’s. My acupuncturist and naturopath say YES! and my functional environment doctor and neurologist say NO! The tests do reveal my thyroid isn’t functionally optimally but I’m currently gonna go with No Hashimoto’s and I will still get regular testing and probably do yearly ultrasounds to ensure I stay within the optimal range.

This whole thing has been an experiment in trusting myself and following my intuition. I’m incredibly blessed to have access to such amazing experts with lots of wisdom and at the end of the day, I am the one who resides in this body. I must trust what resonates and what doesn’t, while remaining opening and willing to learn new things from brilliant people who are clearly masters in their selected domain. But, there are many pieces – mind, body, heart and spirit that are involved. I have the ability to rise up and see the whole picture and integrate, flow and know the right path for me.

What’s next? Our kitchen is still being remediated. I chose to do a more detailed testing before we re-built it to be 100% sure we got all the mold out. We did a few more swab samples and a dust sample (similar to the ERMI test which Ritchie Shoemaker recommends). I also did a mycotoxin test urine test to see what extent my body has detoxed the neurotoxins. My local doc is a functional/integrative doctor with an emphasis on an environmental issues so he will be guiding me on the next part of my mold detoxing protocol which is awesome!

These are some of the resources I found helpful:
Moldy Movie
How your house can make you weak
Surving Mold by Ritche Shoemaker
Tox-Sick by Suzanne Somer

Thank you all so much for the love and light that you’ve shared with me. Know that I’ve been deeply touched and even though I’m not blogging/emailing much these days your words have been a healing balm that has brought tears of connection and love to my eyes. #grateful

I hope this was helpful for you or maybe someone you know.

Virtual hugs, happy healing dances and love! ❤

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P.S. The awesome woman who helped me with E for ~10 hours every week for the last 2.5 years moved last month. And, I don’t live close to family, so most of my alone time is dedicated to my blissiplines (nutrition/meditation/exercise/rest/etc.) I will share more as more space opens up. There is still so much more I want to share about the mental/emotional/spiritual healing that is unfolding as well. 🙂