A call for transformation & healing

Imagine you could re-write your life starting today? Is there anything you would change? Who would you be? What would you do? What would you stop doing? How would you interact with the world? How would you choose to feel? How would you create this thing called your life?

This is the process I am in right now. I recently had a wake up call. I was literally shaken up. My body, mind and heart…rocked. I was taking some time off during my moon cycle to be more inwardly focused and then…my Mom came for a visit and then…on July 30th I had two seizures in a 20 hour period with two trips to the ER. Not what I was planning for my time offline.:)

It has been an intense and beautiful 2 1/2 weeks. I am in major discovery mode right now and still integrating. We are blessed to have so many incredible people in our lives. I have been overwhelmed with gratitude for all the love and support and been brought to tears daily. My husband and Mom and my son all have been amazing. Amazing!

It’s been a very vulnerable time for me to feel how much I need (and want) help and support. My life isn’t my own. I’ve seen how much it influences the people I love. I’ve seen how much people really do care. I’ve seen the softness in everyone’s hearts. The love is so big and deep.

My uncle is a brain scientist and helped me get an appointment with a brilliant neurologist at UCLA last week. I’ve done a CT scan, MRI, along with blood tests and a physical exam and those were all normal. I did an EEG test on Thursday and will do another more detailed MRI test on Tuesday. We will get those results next week which will hopefully give us more insight into what is going on in my brain.

I was hospitalized for febrile seizures when I was 1 + 3 years old and haven’t had any since. We all have a seizure threshold and because I had them when I was younger I have a lower threshold. I have a bunch of theories about what might have caused them.

I didn’t know it at the time but in October I started having some neurological issues. It started 3 weeks after witnessing our dog being killed by another dog at the beach. I’d have 10-30 seconds episodes every few weeks where I would feel flushed, with a wave of nausea and slight spaciness/dizziness. I just thought it was stress from the trauma. When I told the Docs about it they called them: aurus or dissociations and it’s a sign that something was triggered in the brain.

There are ideas on what might have created the perfect storm: doing a cleanse/reaction to herbs, gut permeability, thyroid + hormones imbalance, mold, trauma – being at the beach for the first time in 10 months after our dog’s death, etc. I’m exploring all facets right now. I will share more as I research and discover more from the diagnostic tests.

The whole process has been fascinating, humbling and opening. I’ve been in awe of the hospital and so grateful for the people who give so generously. My worldview about the medical system has expanded along with my heart.

I’ve had moments of fear (and tears) flow through as we navigate the unknown. I’ve also had waves of inspiration and enthusiasm knowing that this is only taking me to the next phase of my heroine’s journey. I’ve already felt big openings urging me to live an even more authentically awesome life. It’s all here for my good. All of it. No matter what happens.

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

— St. Teresa of Avila

I’m already a stronger, more resilient and powerful woman because of this.Β  I feel the big and subtle shifts happening and the overarching call for transformation. I am feeling called to re-wire my brain and dive deeper into myself. My life is amazing. Absolutely stunningly beautiful! I feel this now more than ever. I also know there are places where I’ve been hiding….places I’ve been limiting my joy, letting fears in, and dimming my sparkle, my dreams and my desires. It’s game time, Sweet Goddess. If you ever needed a reason to fully live out loud…here it is!!

I am listening and I am ready. Let’s do this! ❀

Sending love and heart smiles,

alex_signature_pink

P.S. My main intention is to heal and rest so I won’t be sharing my daily journal anymore (this may change in the future). For now, I will post as I feel called. If you feel inspired to send me some love and prayers I graciously say: “YES! Thank you!!” πŸ™‚ I welcome and rejoice in any and all light, love and healing. #thankyou

17 thoughts on “A call for transformation & healing

  1. As I sit here reading this, and having noticed your absence here, all I can feel is love flowing through the ether from me to you. So much love for you and who you are in this world πŸ™‚ Huge hugs and light!
    J

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Dear One, calling in all the angels and master teachers of light and love to guide and support you through your journey now, always you are held in grace, beauty and great love. Thank you for your strength in facing challenges, transmuting them and sharing your light through the process.

    big hugs and much love,
    eme

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Alexandra, you are such an inspiration in all you are doing and being. The way you are dealing with this all is full of love and strength and courage and heart. Waves of love coming over the ocean to you…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Alexandra, your story moved me greatly today. I am sorry for the losses and pain that altered the balance of your blessed life. This is a beautiful world, an exquisitely created stage, which hosts comedies, drama and also some tragedy. Being the incredibly sensitive and loving person you are, who lives in the “all” of yourself means you also experience all of life in a big way. It’s OK, it’s your way. You also have a keen awareness of your whole self – body, mind and spirit which will guide you back to balance. It just may be a slightly different balance point than it was before. It’s OK, it’s your way. I am convinced one of life’s great bonuses is learning to be resilient. It keeps us humble as we incorporate the paradoxical wisdom that we are both weaker and STRONGER than we ever imagined. You are wrapped in unwavering love by your husband and son, and unbeknownst to you, by many of us who happened upon your blog, and are now a part of your healing team. Feel Love go before you, and behind you, above you and below you. Rest, heal, and in you own time-bloom.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow! This is amazing. Thank you, Holly! I am touched that it moved you. I smiled and nodded my head in agreement while reading your beautiful comment. I can feel your love and power and depth. Grateful for your love and sharing. I can feel the love all around me and I’m in awe of the love from people I’ve never met. It truly is a beautiful world. πŸ™‚
      And, yes life changes and shifts and this is one of those times for me. I am feeling the humility, the strength, the weakness, and the resilience. It’s all here and I am seeing new dimensions that I didn’t see before having this health “opportunity”. Yes, to resting, healing and blooming in our own time. Love this! So true. I send you so much love and appreciation for your love and generosity.

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  5. I wish I would have read this before I sent you the message today. Sending you lots of prayers and love, sorry this is coming so late. I love how you tackle life and love LoVe LOVE every single thing in it. It is such an inspiration to see how you grab life by it’s horns and ride the hell out of it. I know that whatever comes your way you see will the beauty in it and find a way to become a better person from it. Keep us updated Alexandra, we all care for you and love your bright light you put out into the world. Xoxoxoxo!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi beauty!! I just saw your message on the Oasis. I will get back to you soon. But, in short THANK YOU!! I appreciate the love and kind words and I’ve always loved your spirit and openness. You’re a goooood one with a bright light too! Keep shining it brightly!! πŸ™‚
      Haha on grabbing life by the horns. YES! I agree! And, sometimes life grabs me and takes me for a ride and I find creative ways to ride the hell out of it with as much joy, love and awesomeness as possible. πŸ™‚
      Sending love to you Goddess!! xoxo

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  6. Hello lovely goddess! Still thinking of you and flowing all the support I can your way. Wishing you find your way with ease through whatever is happening here. I would be honored and willing if you at all wish to talk with me, maybe I can help. I will explain more if the idea of a conversation feels right to you. Just know you’re so loved.
    J

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi lovely!!! Thank you!! I saw your email this morning. I will get back to you soon! I feel the love and I am grateful for your loving support, thoughts and good vibes. Just thinking about you makes me smile!! Bow of gratitude. Love and hugs! xoxo

      Like

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